the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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