I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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