Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
