i need an iv and a liver transplant
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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