So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
