Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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