i think my tv is drunk
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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