you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
