from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
