We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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