I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
