I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
