I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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