she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
