flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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