yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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