in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
