It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
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Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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