Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
