I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
