Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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