i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
