I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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