please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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