Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
