Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
