one might say we're banned from that church
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
