My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Enjoy the penises
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
