my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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