oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
