I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
