? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she looked like the before picture.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
