first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
