I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
