And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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