Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
