I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
