What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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