I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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