Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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