tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
MIDGETS
????
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
