i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
