Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
