Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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