Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
