i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
