She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
