Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
