Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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