I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
