Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
