She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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