i would punch a child for taco bell
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sext me about skeletons
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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