I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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