I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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