I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my shit smells like andre
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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