the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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