i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
