Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
